A very powerful thing that you can do is choose to see the person or event that you’re having the hardest time forgiving in a new way. Maybe you’re not ready to see it as a blessing yet. This is okay, I understand that there have been horrible things that have happened to people. But there are blessings everywhere, in all things. Look at this person or event and reflect on what you’re having trouble forgiving and ask yourself the following questions:
1. How has this changed me for the better as a person?
2. What could I choose to perceive in a new way that will empower me because I went through this experience? What knowledge have I gained through this experience that could help me to create a better life for myself if I choose?
3. How could I help others through the knowledge and wisdom I’ve gained as a result of this experience?
4. In what ways has this event been a blessing?
5. How could I use the wisdom and knowledge I’ve gained to fulfill my greatest mission or purpose on earth?
I don’t think that it matters where you are in your life. Everything in your life that is real right now is a result of your former ways of thinking and behaving.
I’m not sure that choice is a real thing. It may be an illusion. If you think about it, everything that you are currently doing is a result of a choice you made in the past. If you’re driving to the gym, it’s because you chose to go to the gym, and now you’re en route. Even if you decided to stop and turn around and go home, you’d just be on another route, in the opposite direction.
All of life is a choice, but we’ve already made the choices that have created our current reality. We can’t change that now. The only thing that we can do is change our perception and our habitual ways of thinking, feeling and believing. This is what will cause us to naturally make new choices.
The goal then is to see the world through the eyes of our highest self in every moment. That’s all we have to do. If we can do that, then that will cause us to feel as our highest self, and feelings are always what we make our choices from, ALWAYS.
How differently does your highest self think then your current self? My guess is that the difference is enormous. This isn’t because you are an awful person, or that you aren’t capable of much. This is because you are an amazing, infinitely wise and powerful being, capable of more than you could ever even imagine. And if you were already thinking as your highest self, you wouldn’t be reading this right now. You might instead, be writing your own book.
We are not born into ourselves. We become who we are through our experiences. We learn as we go. People do change, all the time. Change is not only possible for your, it’s inevitable. If you’re a bitter and angry person, if you do nothing about this, and you continue to think bitter, angry thoughts, time will only make you more bitter and angry. If you are a peaceful and loving being, and you continue to think peaceful and loving thoughts, time will only make you more peaceful and loving.
Has anything else worked for you? Have goal setting or New Year’s resolutions worked for you? My guess is no, at least not to the extent that you’ve hoped. Personally, I’ve never been able to set a goal and reach it without first becoming the person that I needed to be in order to have whatever the goal was. The process of becoming the person who has the life of your dreams, is all about intentionally changing the way that you see the world.
There are wealthy people in the world who grew up poor. And there are poor people in the world who grew up right. I know both kinds. Wealthy people have a much different way of thinking than poor people do. Loving people have a much different way of thinking than hateful people do. They see the world differently because of the way that they think, not just occasionally, but 24/7. It’s become constant, so it just becomes who they are.
The problem is that most people simply allow themselves to think whatever pops up. They don’t monitor their own thinking. They are mostly unaware of the content of their minds. Have you ever heard someone say: “I’m just not good with money. It’s just who I am.” What would be more accurate: “I habitually think thoughts that cause me to act in ways that makes it impossible for me to use money wisely.”
Imagine if you were able to intentionally choose your thoughts. What do you think would happen if you were able to choose a new way to see the world? Do you think it would be helpful to be able to see the world through the eyes of your highest self who is already living the life of your dreams? Do you think it would be helpful to establish a new way of thinking and making choices that would enable you to not only reach your goals, but become the best you that you can be?
The crazy thing is, as you go through this process of becoming your highest self, you’ll start to notice that reaching your goals and getting stuff becomes less and less important to you. Instead life itself becomes important. Presence and love and peace and joy become important. Life stops feeling like a game that you can win or lose, and starts feeling more like free play that you are enjoying.
How do I know that this is true? I was depressed for so long. I had all these goals and I couldn’t seem to reach them. I would look at other people and feel so envious. My life was never where it “should” be. I was constantly striving. I was frustrated and resentful at the world.
Hindsight, they say, is always 20/20. I know now that I was depressed and frustrated and resentful because I had a vision of where I wanted to be and it wasn’t here and now. Add to that thoughts of my life and my self being not as good as other people, and you have the recipe for living in striving. Interestingly, the striving is always pushing away.
Why is striving actually pushing away what you want most? Because you are embodying the not-having instead of embodying the having. Meaning you are being someone who isn’t capable of having whatever it is that you most desire. When you can turn this around, and be who can’t do anything BUT live the life that you most desire, that is when it not only becomes a part of your reality, it becomes an effortless part of your reality.
When I was growing up, as I mentioned, I was in a string of abusive relationships. Throughout my teenage years, all the way into my early thirties, every man I dated (and the man I married) were cruel and uncaring. Now, in my late thirties, the man I am with is the very opposite of cruel and uncaring. He is exceptionally kind and considerate. He cares about me and my children deeply and does his very best to make sure that we are happy and taken care of well. He’s my best friend and I am his, and I feel deeply loved and I know that he would never say or do anything to hurt me. This is the opposite of everything I experienced in the past.
In my twenties, I worked as a dog trainer. Every single day while I was at work, I would eat a snickers bar, cheddar cheese chips and a coke for lunch. I’d come home and eat pizza or burger king for dinner (and feed that to my kids, I cringe). My idea of exercise was walking from the house to the mailbox. Now, I eat only organic fruits and vegetables and whole grains. I exercise about an hour an a half every single day. I’m exceptionally healthy.
I can tell you from my own personal experience that I didn’t just change what I was doing. That’s so far from what happened. I changed the way that I saw men and relationships and I changed the way that I saw my body and my health. I changed my habitual thinking about these things FIRST and then they started to change.
I could tell you what you should do. But that would never work in the long-term. It might work for a few days, maybe even a week, but eventually, the effort of maintaining this becomes too great, and you fall back into your old habits.
The way that I have changed everything in my life completely on its head (in the very best ways) has been entirely without efforting.
I don’t have to think about my relationship and put effort into it. EVER. We just are best friends. I don’t fix things about our relationships, EVER. We simply get along wonderfully. Our DEFAULT is love and peace and kindness toward each other. Our natural mode of operation is play, appreciation and affection.
I don’t have to think about my health. I find myself at the gym every single day, just as you or I or anyone with halfway decent hygiene finds themselves brushing their teeth or putting on deodorant. I don’t think about or plan or put effort AT ALL into healthy snacks and meals. I naturally select healthy foods at the market and I naturally choose to cook and eat vegetables. It’s become my preference.
I don’t think about, plan, make goals, write down or anything like that about my health or my relationship. Or, I should say, I don’t think about or put any kind of effort into these things NOW. This wasn’t always true. In the beginning, when changing the way that you look at the world and the way that you habitually think, there are things that you have to do.
If you want change, then your focus MUST be on changing you. If you want change for the better, than you must focus on being a better you. If you want change for the best, than you must focus on being the best you. The doing isn’t important AT ALL. As a matter of fact, please drop any thoughts or ideas about what you need to do, and shift, right now into who you need to BE. This is where your power is.
BUT, we can start with looking at what you want your life to be like.
If an all-powerful angel, or fairy or God, or whatever being feels right, came down and handed you a wand and said you can change three things in your life, you can have three things that you want, exactly the way that you want them, what would you have? What three things would be different?
Now, ask yourself, what these three areas of your life look like after the all-powerful being waved his or her wand and made them exactly the way you want it to be.
Hear me, listen CAREFULLY, I don’t want you to write anything that you have to do for now. Just write what it would look like if you were witnessing it from the outside.
I’m not interested in what you need to do, or what others have to do, or what has to change outside of you to get things the way that you want them to be. I am only interested in your being.
To get to how your being is in the three areas you’ve chosen, I want you to put yourself in the state of having them in your reality right now and I want you to ask yourself only one question for each:
Who would I say I am if this were true?